HELLLOOO 2012

I feel like this is going to be MY year - I really do.

from 2008-2010 I was in wedding planning mode
2010-2011 I was in pregnant/new wife/ new mommy madness mode

2012 - will be about finding my true self and doing all that I can to live the life I want.

I had this discovery in November and was pushing through with my goals and a focused mind - but sadly tragedy struck

As I mentioned in my previous post my grampy suffered a massive stroke and sadly did not recover.

He left this world on December 11th 2011

He never woke up after the stroke - so I don't think he suffered, which gives me peace. He spent his last days on earth surrounded 24/7 by his beloved kids (all 11 of em) and grand-kids and even his only great granddaughter - which i thank God everyday my daughter had an opportunity to meet the man who raised me, and loved me so much unconditionally.

Although she wont remember him - I will always show her pictures and tell her how much he loved her, and how special she was to him.

I miss him so much - I think I am still in shock a bit -

I have peace knowing that he is in heaven with my Grandmother and all his family and friends who went before him.

I just miss him so much - I wasn't ready to say good bye.

So this tragic period in my life put a halt on all my progress - I was so overtaken with grief I stopped caring - Luckily my husband kept reminding me that my grandparents would want us to have a spectacular Christmas for our children and we need to keep the Christmas spirit up even though we were so sad. The children shouldn't lose their Christmas "magic"

So I got through it -

And now I want to regain the focus I had before this heart breaking sadness took over

So I would like to list my resolutions for 2012

1. to lose 35 lbs
2.pay off personal debts and stick to a budget
3.date nights with hubby biweekly
4.keep the house, my car and my purse organized and clean
5.to go to church regularly

I know, I know it seems like a lot - and I am just setting myself up for failure

but am I??

These were my same goals in November, but now that its a New Year I get to rename them as "resolutions"

I am also breaking it down into smaller monthly goals

So for January:

I will log my daily food/exercise into myfitnesspal.com - everyday for 30 days no matter if i eat donuts and ice cream all day - I am committing to log it.

My weight loss goal for Jan is 5lbs

I will commit to do Turbo Fire 5-6 days a week and 1 hot yoga class a week

I will set up my monthly budget and track spending

I will use the tips and organizing calenedars on my fave blogs to get/stay organized in Jan

I will go to church every sunday in Jan

At the end of the month I will re-evaluate my goals and set goals for Feb and so on.

So I am committed to those things for the next 30 days, lets see how I do.

Bob Byrne - Nice Guy

I am writing today about my Grandpa. He is quite simply the most amazing man I have ever known. He was a Dad to 11 kids - 12 counting me!

My mother was unable to take care of me so my grandparents took custody of me when I was 6 months old. At age 12 they thought they should adopt me - more for legality issues - They never wanted to take the title of parent away from my mom - but for everyone's protection they adopted me.


I love both of my grandparents like they were my parents (maybe a little more than most kids) - Sadly I lost my grandma 12/31/06. She was sick for a while - but was doing better, she went into a medically induced coma and died peacefully in the night. The process before hand was very hard - weeks of hospital visits filled with hope that she would get better -

tears - begging her - making deals with God-more tears -pleading - desperation - tears - heartache

I spent Christmas morning sitting next to her in the hospital - a small radio behind us tuned to 106.7 - playing Christmas music complete silence in the room other than that

I held her hand - I was so devasted- but I knew she would never be coming back. I told her I was sorry for all the times I hurt and disappointed her through my teenage years- I told her how she was my hero - how much I loved her how much EVERYONE loved her - I didnt want her to go - but I knew it was not my choice - and I understood that

That evening we gathered at my uncles for Christmas - we had to put on the happy front for the kids - but everyone knew - it was an unspoken understanding that we will lose the woman who has kept this nutty family together for the past however many years

We promised her to NOT FIGHT and to watch after Grandpa - we knew he'd be lost. We would be there for each other and be strong and get through this

and we did - with almost no fighting

We were more than there for Grandpa - we sometimes bordered on being stage 5 clingers with him

We wanted to hold him so tight so that he would never be sad and we felt like we needed to hold on to him much more since we lost her

Everything we did was to make him happy - We vacationed with him - went to his favorite restaurants - called him to come to every time one of our kids took a poop (kidding, kinda)

He loved every minute of it

So 5 years has gone by .....

I feel like I have dejavu

December 1st 2011 - Grandpa suffered a massive stroke

he hasnt woken up

We are at his side - round the clock in his hospital bed

tears-begging him to wake- tears - praying he comes out of it - tears- losing hope- tears-desperation

Am I jaded from my experience with my grandma? Why do I feel my faith/hope slipping away? I am trying to be strong for those around me - but why is so much harder this time around?? -

I am just kind of blogging my jumbled thoughts right now - I apologize if this is all over the place

Please keep my grandfather and my family in your prayers - I am trying to stay positive and trying to keep my faith up - but its been very hard for me.

Anti-Jillian

Well I tried - for the 800th time... But I simply cannot stand Jillian Michaels. I cant get past this- I don't know what my problem is!!

I have seen people get great results from her DVDs and my own aunt is a Jillian lover but for some reason I want nothing more than to punch her in her ovaries when she is on my tv screen.

I bought Ripped in 30 which is her sequel to the ever popular 30 Day Shred

And while I can feel it working and I know the moves are effective - I cant get past my animosity for this women!!!

And the fact that you must do the same workout for week straight - my annoyance grew with every passing day.

I was literally eye-rolling and cursing at the TV!

So after a week long hiatus from working out(due to illness) - I put on my gear and headed to the living room to get back on the wagon and as I went to my DVDs I realized I was dreading seeing Jillian's face and her comments and her dry jokes and her sticking her boobs in her assistants face and asking her to talk into them.

I quickly re shelved Ripped in 30 and opened up my tried and true Turbo Jam and enjoyed every minute of it!!

So I guess what they say is true - If you don't enjoy the workout you wont do it - So pick something YOU love that's the only way it will be effective. I look forward to seeing Chalene's face and her energy is contagious - She has a personality similar to mine and I feel like I know her!!

So my plan is doing turbo jam for 4 weeks- Then moving on to Turbo Fire - which scares me.

After Turbo Fire - I intend to go back to Insanity and finish it this time - and then I dont know

I feel so LIBERATED

So a couple of weeks ago something inside of me awoken. I began to feel stiflingly buried beneath clutter.
I don't just mean clutter as in a messy house (although that was a part of it) I mean clutter in all aspects of my life.
My head was FILLED with clutter - thoughts, feelings, emotions I was holding on to that were inhibiting me to develop as an adult,wife, mother
My house was filled with clutter of papers and things that had no value or reason for being saved - I just couldn't let go of them
My closet was filled with clutter of clothes that no longer fit or outfits I no longer had any business wearing (I don't think Ill be clubbing any time soon)
My body was filled with clutter of extra lbs that had no business being there - my baby is almost a year old and I should be a lot further in my weight loss

All this clutter kept burying me deeper and deeper inside of myself - I was suffocating under it - I became depressed (but I'm so good at hiding it!!)

And then one day - I realized - I looked at myself from the outside and I was embarrassed.

This is not who I am or want to be. I decided right there I am going to change - IMMEDIATELY

I am on my path to be the person I want to be. That sounds so cliche - but I don't care!

So here is what Ive been doing:

1. Got my diet in check- I have been a member of www.myfitnesspal.com since February and I am just now really starting to get into it- logging daily, connecting with others for moral support, etc and in the past few weeks I have gone from obese (did i just put that on my public blog???) to just overwieght!! I am now less than 10lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight!! And then i'd like to lose another 20 or so lbs after that.

2.Decluttering my home - I have been OBSESSED with organization blogs lately - and its so inspiring to see these ladies in action - I mean this is a wake up call for me because I was never a organized/tidy gal. But I feel sooooo much better getting my home in check - I want to be proud of my living space all the time and not a crazy person running to clean 10 mins before guests come over. A tool most of the orginization bloggers (my new heros) use is a household binder - I created one and I think it will be a great tool for me. Once I finish it up I will post my binder and how I use it.

3.Purging my closet- This I just did last night and it felt AHHMAZING!! It also came at a perfect time, because my town is holding a clothing drive this weekend. I gathered 6 garbage bags from just my closet alone!! Tonight I will tackle Zack and Mikeys clothes. Kyla's stuff is packed away once she grows out of it - Its all mostly hand me downs and will be saved for the next little girl in the family - whether it be mine or someone elses. I also found several high end items (some with tags-some worn once or twice)so I gathered those and will bring them to a consignment shop.

4.Financial Clutter- In other words debt (I hate that dirty d word) My husband and I both made some stupid financial mistakes - not only in the past but in the present -I am mortified beyond belief that we have been living the way we were - and I guess you can say we have hit rock bottom. Admitting you need help is the first step right? Well the past is the past and I cannot unchange it - but moving forward I have a new outlook on our bleak financial future - I have discovered Dave Ramsey and I am reading his book Total Money Makeover. I feel like this is something we can do - and I am beginning to understand the difference between Wants vs. Needs


my next tasks are going to be organizing our new clutter free home and lives. I feel like Im in a really good place mentally right now - I have a new clarity in my mind.

I hope this blog will help be my accountability tool and I will blog often about my progress

Time is flying by

When I looked at Kyla this morning blabbing and standing and walking around the living room - I stopped and thought to myself - When did my little baby become this toddler??

It literally feels like she was just born - but yet in a little over a month she will be a year old. I cant beleive it!!

This year has been like a blink of an eye for me - and I feel like I havent stopped and smelled the roses, So I vow to take the remaining days of 2011 and cherish them

My life has changed so much and so quickly - I didnt take the time to stop and appreciate it.

Watching Kyla grow and learn and develop is so amazing - I still cant believe she is mine and that Michael and I created her.

I just wanted to write a quick note to get that out - When people say it goes by quickly they aint kidding!!!

As I am planning her 1st bday party I am thinking back on the 1st year of her life. It was such a beautiful experience and I am excited to see her grow into a toddler and all the new adventures she will have

I love FALL!!!

I just want to shout from the rooftops - how much i looooove fall!!! I used to be such a summer gal - but now i most definitely prefer fall. I love the crisp weather I love the fall fashion- sweaters, uggs, leggings, tall boots etc I love the family activities - apple picking, pumpkin picking, Halloween,Thanksgiving I love the feeling of a fresh start- i guess that is from my school years I also love fall tv!! Last nights new fall line up on Fox did not let me down - Glee Although I am sad to see Sam not back at Mckinley - I am excited for the fresh faces. I also am in love with Blake and super excited he will be more of a main character! What was up with Quinns "new look" ?? Did anyone else notice Courtney Galliano from SYTYCD??? LOVE HER!!! I hope she has a reoccurring role! The New Girl This show looks like it will be HILARIOUS!! I was cracking up the entire time!! Zoey Deschanel is so funny and plays the role perfectly Raising Hope Never fails me!! that show cracks me up!! and Hope is getting so big!!!! Burt is my fave charcter on that show as well as Mawmaw So that is my ode to fall - I cant wait for the rest of the Season premiers this week!! Xfactor is tonight ! woo hoo oh and i had this

Another reason I LOVE FALL

I suck at blogging!!!

Hey everyone -
I just wanted to write a post to let you know how much I suck at blogging !!!

I don't know why but I just do. I alway forget to blog when cool things happen

Now blogger has come out with an iPhone app - so you may be hearing from me more often. Since I am running out of excuses.

I guess a quick update is in order since I haven't blogged in MONTHS!!

Kyla is 8 months old - she gets more amazing everyday. I cant believe hoe much she has stolen my heart.

She started crawling right as she turned 7 months and now she pulls her self up and is cruising all over the place. She learned to climb the stairs much to my dismay.
She still has no teeth but her hair is starting to grow. It's just so dang blonde it's hard to see

She can say "mama" "dada" baba" and "nomnom"

She is the light in my heart. And she is a total daddy's girl!!

We pulled her out of daycare bc it was too expensive so she is home with daddy all day long :)

Ok now an update on my weightloss journey. I never finished insanity. It became sooo hard to find the time to fit the workout in. I plan to pick it up again. I just don't know when I can squeeze that time in. It's a big commitment and with work and a baby I just couldn't do it.

I'm back on weight watchers - going to meeting and so far so good.

I tried HOT YOGA and it is awesome. Would love to do that once a week.

My goal for the fall/winter is to become more organized.

Ok I guess you are all caught up now. I will try and get back soon!!